How Power Affects Your Sense of Mattering

Mattering is both psychological and political. It is psychological because it affects your behaviors, emotions, and thoughts; it is about what you do, how you feel, and what you think. But mattering is also political. It is political because it entails power dynamics capable of thwarting your sense of mattering, at home, in the office, or the community. And let’s be clear, politics is not only what happens, or doesn’t happen, in congress or city council; politics is what happens every time a person uses power to get his or her way.

You may be familiar with the more common and overt forms of power, such as threats, punishment, rewards, and the use of force. But you need to be aware of subtle forms as well. These involve manipulations, emotional blackmail, silent treatment, judgmentalism, guilt tripping, mind games, sarcasm, and various forms of exclusion. There is, indeed, a long list of put downs available to people who want to belittle you. Politics is everywhere.

To cope with power imbalance, and achieve an even distribution of mattering between you and others, we must seek an equilibrium between freedom and fairness, between our own well-being and the well-being of others. Your spouse may be very concerned about his or her own mattering, but what about yours?

Creating a culture of mattering requires paying attention to psychological and political factors. This is because psychological and political forces affect us throughout the lifespan, from birth to old age. When children feel neglected, they develop emotional problems that prevent them from adding value. When adults feel devalued, they respond mostly in one of two ways: depression or aggression. While some overcome adverse conditions in healthy ways, many become despondent, and others become entitled, with insatiable needs for attention. These reactions might be considered psychological problems. But when certain groups feel marginalized due to the color of their skin, gender, sexual preferences, socioeconomic status, age, or disability, it is not just a psychological, but a social problem as well.

Dr. Isaac Prilleltensky is an award-winning academic and author. He is also a coach, consultant and a researcher. His latest book, co-authored with his wife, Dr. Ora Prilleltensky, is How People Matter: Why it Affects Health, Happiness, Love, Work, and Society (Cambridge University Press, 2021). Press here to pre-order.