You made a change. How do you sustain it?

Perhaps the toughest part of making a change is to make it stick. To achieve a change is admirable, but to make it into a new habit is even more remarkable.

We all know how tempting it can be to return to a problem behavior. There are various things you can do to fortify yourself and help you stick with your goal. Consider the following:

·         In the early stage of change, avoid people, places and things that are triggers for problem behavior.

·         Remind yourself of your long-term goal and the benefits that will accrue from achieving it.

·         Tell yourself that you have self-discipline and can withstand temptations.

·         Distract yourself by doing something that will take your mind off the urge to indulge.

·         If you unexpectedly find yourself in a tempting situation, go somewhere else if possible.

·         Reach out to a loved one or a close friend who can help you resist the urge.

·         Use a plan that you have prepared in advance in order to prevent a potential slip.

·         Keep monitoring and recording your behavior. Record even if you slip.

·         Continue to reinforce desirable behavior. Come up with different rewards to keep it fresh.

·         If you have a strong craving, imagine that it is an ocean wave that you can ride. It will eventually pass.

Surfing the urge is a mindfulness-based technique developed by Alan Marlatt for dealing with addictions. It was used in one study to help long-time smokers deal with an intense urge to indulge their habit. Smokers learned to mindfully attend to their craving in a compassionate and non-judgmental manner. They envisioned their craving as an ocean wave that strengthens, crests, and ultimately subsides. Rather than resisting their craving or trying to suppress it, they envisioned surfing it, much like a surfer catching a ride on a wave.

If you experience a strong craving to engage in a habit you’re trying to change, you can try this technique. Remind yourself that a craving will peak like a wave, but will ultimately pass. See if you can adopt a curious attitude toward your craving. What sensations do you feel in your body? What thoughts are going through your mind? Imagine yourself as a surfer, riding a high wave. Stay on top of the wave until it dissolves.

Practice saying no

Other people can encourage and support our goal but they can also interfere with our plans, at times unknowingly. A colleague bringing a home-baked dessert to share, or a friend who wants to meet up at a bar, are some examples. If meeting an old friend at a bar will risk a return to drinking behavior, suggest another location. If your dessert-bearing colleague is a good friend, ask the person not to tempt you. You can also envision the offer of the yummy dessert and practice saying no.

Does sticking to your goal require saying no to someone?  What do you need to say to whom in order to persevere with your goal and make it stick?  What would you gain by expressing what you need? What reactions do you anticipate?

Envision a conversation that would help you stick with your goal. Practice what you would say and how the other person may react. Envision a positive outcome that would further your goal.

Plan ahead

Planning ahead for high-risk situations can go a long way. It is not always possible or even desirable to avoid all people, places, or things associated with the behavior you want to change.

By trying to foresee situations that may thwart your goal, you can develop a plan for dealing with them.

How can you plan for high risk situations that may interfere with your goal? What rules can you make for yourself to help you navigate this situation?

Don’t let a slip be your downfall

We’re often disheartened when we resolve to change something but slip. The reality is that when we try to change a problem behavior, slips are the norm rather than the exception. So rather than chastising yourself for having a setback, tell yourself that a slip is no reason to give up. Most people who are ultimately successful experience a slip or two along the way.

The thing to do is to get up, dust yourself off, and get back on the horse. In fact, your slip can be an important source of information, a way of learning about yourself. You can regard the slip as a learning opportunity. Remind yourself that slips are normal, expected, and a part of life.

 Dr. Isaac Prilleltensky is an award-winning academic and author. He is also a coach, consultant and a researcher. His latest book, co-authored with his wife, Dr. Ora Prilleltensky, is How People Matter: Why it Affects Health, Happiness, Love, Work, and Society (Cambridge University Press, 2021). Press here to order.