Culture and Covid: The Communitarian Solution
The COVID-19 pandemic has shown, in stark relief, the rampant individualism of the “Me Culture” -- people ignore basic safety measures that would protect the collective. Instead of wearing masks, people claim infringement on personal liberty. Instead of showing solidarity towards fragile neighbors, they care about their own need to party first.
How the Wellness Trap Widens the Fairness Gap
Many wellness experts decry the mind-body dualism but are oblivious to the inner-outer split. They persuasively argue that body and mind are one, while ignoring the impact of lack of fairness on wellness. They delimit the wellness world to what happens within your skin and your head. Mattering does not just happen in our minds. It happens in interactions at work and in the community. There is plenty of evidence that unfair treatment leads to stress, disease, aggression, and disaffection. Fair regard, on the other hand, leads to well-being, happiness and health.
I don’t fit the mold. Do I still matter?
Even if we don’t fit the mold prescribed by society, our impulse is to say “of course I still matter.” Most of us would argue that we are autonomous human beings, indifferent to social norms that dictate to us how to behave and what to believe. Some might even take offense, and go as far as to claim that they “don’t care” what others think about their choices in life. Yet, in working with individuals and groups, I notice that many people internalize social prescriptions, regardless of how oppressive they might be.
Mattering through Mastery: Learning from the Masters
Mattering is about feeling valued and adding value. By adding value we mean making a contribution, helping others, or otherwise improving a situation. In our upcoming book, How People Matter: Why it Affects Health, Happiness, Love, Work, and Society (Cambridge University Press), Ora and I elaborate on ways to add value. One way to learn how to add value is to observe what exemplary people do.
Communication is Key in Mattering and Well-Being
Some people destroy relationships because they are narcissists or aggressive. But many others ruin relationships simply because they lack skills. Being a nice person is definitely not enough. We know plenty of kind and caring people who are clueless about how to maintain, let alone nurture, a satisfying and reciprocal relation.
By now you’ve heard all the research about the importance of verbal and non-verbal communication. We have too. What you haven’t heard much about is the importance of pressing the pause button before you even begin to interact with someone else.
Challenging Oppressive Narratives about Ourselves
To make sense of our lives, we create stories. Sometimes the stories are positive; we create a narrative of mattering: I feel valued most of the time, and I add value to myself and others. When one or both of these elements are absent from our story we are likely to feel despondent or disappointed with ourselves.
The Importance of Activism during a Crisis
Fighting for a fair social system can bring about benefits for you and others. There is evidence that political activism leads to improved psychological well-being. Activism enhances a sense of control over your life and combats helplessness and hopelessness. To improve our sense of mattering in the community, and support others in their quest, especially during pandemics, we must join a cause. Of course it is important to improve your personal well-being, as I have detailed in other posts, but it would be a big mistake to lose sight of the need for social change. Now, more than ever, we see the devastating consequences of injustice in our social system.